Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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