honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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