my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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