she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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