There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
