I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
