Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
