I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
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Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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