If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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