Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
