Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
