Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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