So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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