You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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