I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
