well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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