my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i think i have two assholes
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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