I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
