turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
