On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
