here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My penis needs a shock collar
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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