batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
