You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
