My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
