There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
