just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
