Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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