i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
