Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
