apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We have started to decorate penises.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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