my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
