farters have to be the big spoon...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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