She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
