Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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