i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
