Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You pole danced in your parka.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
