I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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