you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
