What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
