So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
