i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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