Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
