I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
