Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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