I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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