mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
