I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize