She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
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We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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