im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
