A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
