There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
