She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
