I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
