barbara walters just said penis...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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