I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
