k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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