i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
nutella sex= disaster
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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