dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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