I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
