And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
