Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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