i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
