Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
