why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
