What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
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There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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