i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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