i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize