no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
