I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
