...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
