i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
