We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
