I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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